numbers, letters, figures &shapes

Sat, 14 Feb 2009 22:14:49 GMT

CHANGE OF PLANS

Sun, 10 Aug 2008 20:43:29 GMT

Upon arriving in Ohio, my parents sit me down and tell me that there's just no way they can afford to put me through the school I want right now. Between my sister's school, and both she and I probably (hopefully) getting married within the next two years, it's just not possible. It's their retirement money.

So what do I do now?

Well, I cannot afford Los Angeles this year. I've done all I can do in St. Petersburg, so now what??

MOVE TO MILWAUKEE!

Explanation:
Joey and I got to spend some time there about a week or so ago and loved it. Then rent is cheaper than Florida AND it's only an hour and 45 minutes away from Chicago, SO I could go there and do freelance work as a stylist and some modeling on the side whenever need be. Joey's tour manager Andy is from there, so me, Joey, Andy, and probably Andy's brother are going to get a house somewhere in the east side of Milwaukee near the lake. We'll save up our money for a year, and then move to Los Angeles.

I am extremely bummed that LA isn't happening when I'd like it to, but I think Milwaukee will be fun, especially the roommate situation. Since I can't go to school right now, I'm going to use this time to build my portfolio in every way possible. I just have to depend on me now I guess.

I'm back in Ohio right now. I'm flying out to LA on the 14th for a photo shoot and some other stuff and then riding the bus back to Florida with Joey. I'm really looking forward to that. I miss everyone in Florida and I've only been gone 2 weeks.

Life is so crazy right now.

update

Sun, 27 Jul 2008 08:46:17 GMT

So I am leaving for 3 and a half weeks. I'm getting ready for the big move! I'm going up to Ohio to spend a few days with the folks, then going back on Warped Tour for a few days around the midwest with my love, then back to Ohio, then out to Los Angeles!! I'll be in LA from the 8th until the 17th, then I'm riding back with Joey. My grammar has deteriorated obviously.

I will be getting everything cleared with FIDM, taking my placement tests and what not, presenting my portfolio in person (which I am so excited for!) I think I have a pretty good portfolio, especially for an entrance port. I will also be signing a lease! Hopefully in Silver Lake or Los Feliz. A bunch of photographers from LA have been getting in contact with me which I guess is good. I really don't care much to be in front of the camera, I'm going to school to be behind the scenes, but I guess whatever happens, happens.

I know I will love living in Los Angeles, but I am seriously scared shitless. I have grown to love St. Pete so much, it's ridiculous. It's just so dead end and I really need to live someplace crazy while I'm young. Hopefully, eventually I'll be able to do what I want someplace with a little less hustle, like Seattle or Philadelphia. I don't know why Philadelphia has been on my brain lately. I wanna go to a farmers market so bad. When I went to Seattle with Joey, he bought me a knit hat from Peru, and it's the softest most wonderful hat. I wish I could wear it all year without looking ridiculous. Why can't I ever stay on one subject?

When I get home, I'll be home for about a month and then it's off to Los Angeles FOR GOOD! Whoever still reads this, if anyone, feel free to come out and stay with me whenever. I'll need the company.

I don't know what else. In a nutshell, my life is about to become amazing.

Thu, 12 Jun 2008 17:53:09 GMT

I bleed rainbows and neon.

I'm modeling in this show!

Sat, 07 Jun 2008 06:53:42 GMT

Everyone come out next Friday for a night of great design and art! Plus I'm modeling in the show!

peace out

Fri, 30 May 2008 20:01:30 GMT

I just got off the phone with an admissions adviser at FIDM. I can start school in the fall quarter (October), which means I'm moving in August or September. I'm so excited! Goodbye Florida! The affair between us is over and I'm leaving you. I cannot wait to get to Los Angeles. It's not Brooklyn, but there is sunshine, and bigger apartments, and I get to drive my own car. I feel like there will be more opportunities for me there too.

I'll miss whatever friends I have left here. Joey is staying here until February or March or so, and then he's moving out to LA too. I don't know how we'll handle this situation, but we'll figure it out.

Wed, 21 May 2008 05:07:42 GMT

I want to breathe something that is not oxygen.
I never want my scars to heal.

Sat, 17 May 2008 17:10:30 GMT

Joseph is finally home. We celebrated with bottles of wine, bottles of beer, bottles of Jameson, Bob Dylan LPs, and a board game (Erica and I lost because we don't know enough 'dude' stuff. I'm glad to not know enough 'dude' stuff. I am not a 'dude', dude!)

Hello, I am pale, and I love it.

Joey getting attacked by the Boston Terriers.

Oh, this picture just reminded me how I don't have boobs.

I made Deon take this picture too many times, obviously.

Ping is freakin crazy.

We love Bat.

A little while later, Erica hit me in the face with a guitar and I called her the C word in a half joking way.

Fri, 02 May 2008 05:43:51 GMT

Within the next month, I hope a tiny hurricane passes nearby so we can go swimming in pools with little waves, splashing the leaves to one side and shivering when we get out into the wind to put our towels around us.

Being locked in a house for a few days with the ones I love and board games sounds so appealing to me right now.

I'm sorry every one of my stupid entries are about my boyfriend!! I can't help it!!

Sat, 12 Apr 2008 09:10:26 GMT

After a month, I finally get to see Joseph on Monday! I'm flying to Los Angeles again. This has been the hardest month I've had. It's sort of weird though, because I feel like we've grown a lot closer lately. He's everything I could ever want.

In about another month, he'll be home. I can't wait to show him all the things I've learned about Saint Petersburg while he was gone. I can't wait to introduce him to all my new friends. I can't wait to sit at home and watch movies. I can't wait for him to pick up my clothes and put them away in the wrong spot. I can't wait to do his dishes. When he gets home, it will have been about 4 months he had been away. He's only going to be home for less than two and I am going to cherish every second of it.

Here are some pictures from my last visit to Los Angeles. Sorry I'm not doing a lj cut.

Sun, 30 Mar 2008 07:57:41 GMT

When I was little and would go away to camp, my mom would always spray my favorite doll with her perfume so it would help when I would get homesick. It was a bald headed cabbage patch doll that I named Mona Fiona (copying my older sister who named her bald headed cabbage patch doll just "Mona") and she would smell like Red Door the entire time I was at camp.

Now, I am sitting up at ten till 4 am smelling a t-shirt that I made my boyfriend wear the day before I left California the last time I went. It is the t-shirt that he wore the night we started dating, and the smell reminds me what all this is for and how my lonliness is worth it. "All this" is almost 3 months of being apart. Him being away from home. I am sitting up at nearly 4 am trying to breathe in every good memory we've had so far. I couldn't have ever done this for anyone else on this stupid planet.

Fri, 29 Feb 2008 19:28:22 GMT

Estee Lauder asked me to quit. They need me to work 30+ hours and with school, there's no way I can do that. They also asked me if travleling is what I do often. I explained them (as I did before they hired me) that I have no family here and a boyfriend whom I live with that is gone 8 months out of the year, so yes, I travel quite often. About every two to three weeks, actually. I was a little upset, but I didn't care for the job anyway. You know those makeup counter women that stand in the aisle and try to get you to try on perfume?? Yeah, that was me. I might as well have been a telemarketer.
Anyway, I'm pretty sure I got a job at an art gallery downtown. It's an art gallery for babies. Baby art. It's so cute. Just a little boutique/gallery that closes at 6 everyday and 4 on Sundays and everything is by appointment only. I also have a paid modeling gig on Sunday. I'm not sure how that happened. This woman named Ivanka Ska owns this boutique called House of Ska, said that if I can take a good photo, but she would love to have me sign with Ska Models. That would be incredible because she does about two fashion shows a month and always has her models go to every function at any art gallery in the Bay Area wearing her designs and pays them to do so. She's really active in the community and with local artists. She was on NBC the day before yesterday with Tim Gunn and Heidi Clum talking about Oscars fashion and will be on again on Monday at 10 am. It's nice to be recognized by someone you respect so much. Hopefully I take some good pictures! Fingers crossed!
http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewprofile&friendid=39969981
That is her store's myspace. Click on photos to see tons of pictures of her models.
Los Angeles was fun. It keeps getting harder and harder to leave Joey or have him go away. During the first tour they had when we started dating, I would cry the night before, but not at all after that. This time, I cry the night before, when he leaves, and when I get home to an empty studio apartment with signs of him everywhere. I think it's mostly because I don't know when he will be home. All I really know, is that I miss him like crazy and I'm so happy that we are 7 months into our relationship and still just as in love as when we started.
Sorry for getting a tad mushy!
Living in downtown St. Pete makes me miss my friends a whole lot. My friend Erica has been such a wonderful friend to me, and I don't know what I would do without her. But, I miss my Pinellas friends. I feel so far. But most of them don't even live here anymore. Anny is moving soon, so I'm trying to get a lot of quality time in with her before she does. I miss Daniela. Downtown St. Pete makes me miss her because when I was 15, I used to beg her to drive us here and walk around all day even though back then, there wasn't much to do here. St. Pete makes me miss Jason a lot. It used to be when I thought of St. Pete, I thought of Jason and Danny. Jason is living in California now. He has become one of the greatest friends I've ever had, and I'm really missing him, even though he is a brat. I miss Shannon. I don't feel like I've been a good enough friend to her lately. I love her like a sister and I need to see her more. Ashley lives far. I always miss Bethany, my little lovebug. and of course, I miss my sister who is freezing her butt off in Ohio right now. I never realized how lonely I am until recently. I guess it's because I'm dating someone who is gone a lot and doesn't take my mind off things. I am staying here for him, and as long as we stay in love like we are, there will never be a second that I regret my decision. We will be moving in a couple years to Seattle, which I am thrilled about because I fell in love with it. But again, we'll be moving somewhere where I have literally no friends and no family.
Sorry to be dropping all these names!! Everyone has probably stopped reading this by now. I'm off to Winter Haven to see Joey's family! Bye internet!

Sun, 17 Feb 2008 23:02:32 GMT

Since everyone else is saying it, I too just got my Radiohead tickets! I clicked on ticket master for "best available" seating and the best available was the lawn so I'm glad I didn't wait any longer than I did! I'm so excited to see them and I'm so excited to be seeing them with Joseph, who hasn't seen them either!
Joseph left a week ago for 2+ months in LA. I'm flying out to see him on Wednesday and I could not be more excited. We're going to be together for my birthday, and even though he has to work, I still would not want to spend my day with anyone else.
Let's see, I started a job at Estee Lauder. I'm not sure how I feel about it. I kind of love it, kind of hate it. It's a job at least and it pays reeaaallly well, so I'll stay for a while at least.
I'm starting school again tomorrow. I'm really happy about that. Hopefully I can stick to it this time. I finally have some sort of motivation, which is necessary.
In less than a week I won't have the word "teen" in my age anymore. I think Joey is more excited about that than I am. My parents are buying me a car (bless them)! I need one so bad. Mine is so unreliable and I'll miss it, but it will be nice to not have to worry about breaking down or not starting.
I don't really use lj ever. Sorry. I never have anything significant to say, but I love life. So I guess that's it.

Happy 2008

Thu, 03 Jan 2008 08:09:16 GMT

My boyfriend makes me toast at 2 AM. I think he is the sweetest thing ever.

midwestern blues

Mon, 26 Nov 2007 17:32:58 GMT

It's pouring here. There should be some kind of rulebook, God, that says, "will not rain when below 70 degrees." It just doesn't seem fair.

When was the last time that you touched a leaf?

Tue, 20 Nov 2007 01:09:33 GMT

I'm so tired. My eyes are weights. I hate Ohio. I love my family, but we bicker bicker bicker and it's exhausting! I'm going to be here about nine more days, so we'll see how that goes. My grandmother gave me the most beautiful vintage dress that she used to wear when she was young. It's now probably one of my most treasured things I have now. actually I would probably say THE most treasured thing, and the ring Joseph's mother gave to me, and if my mom decides to give me her record collection (which I have begged her for), that will be right up there with them! She has so many amazing and rare albums, I will be so happy if she gives them to me. I would treasure them. That would be so much better than them just sitting in a box somewhere in this big house.

I get to see Joseph for one day tomorrow. His band plays Columbus. I haven't seen him for about 3 weeks. He is meeting my father, grandmother, and my favorite aunt. I am excited! After that, I get to see him in just one more week for 4 days for his birthday! I am the most excited about that. I'm happy we will be in his favorite city together. He is my family. He really gets me, and knows how to handle me. I'm so glad I have him in my life, or I wouldn't know what anything was for anymore. I had almost lost myself.

My grandma made me cut out cookies! She is the best! Vintage dresses and cut out cookies! No wonder my grandma is my favorite person on the planet.

columbus, seattle, portland, san francisco, san diego, etc.

Fri, 16 Nov 2007 04:16:01 GMT

There was a blackout tonight on my block. I had to pack by candlelight, while my neighbor across the hall sang an eclectic mix of songs at the top of his lungs.

I am leaving for 2 weeks in the morning to be with my family and later my loving boyfriend.

Bye!

Tue, 16 Oct 2007 03:10:55 GMT

I just want an animal!!

the subject is...music and swolen glands I guess.

Fri, 12 Oct 2007 06:20:42 GMT

I bought Of Montreal's new EP. It's so good (of course)! I'm listening to the semi-new Mum right now and I'm not sure what to think of it. I'm only on the first track though, so we'll see how the rest of the album goes. What is with the male vocals? What's with the fact that I can actually understand what they're saying?

We are getting a cold front. "Cold front." My sister texted me yesterday morning saying, "It is 56 degrees!" I replied saying, "I do not feel bad for you." My sister decided to go to Ohio State University last minute. A cold front here is 68 degrees. A cold front is picnic weather. Hello Andrea Lynn Mefford, do you hear what I am saying?

My throat has been killing me all day today. Joey has been the best doctor. I feel bad because I act like a child when it comes to swallowing cough syrup or coating my tonsils with cherry flavored throat spray. It's not cherry flavored, it's plastic flavored. Plastic flavored throat spray. Plastic flavored crap.

Third song into the new Mum album and I want my money back. Does anyone agree with me? Does anyone disagree?

Tue, 25 Sep 2007 18:47:07 GMT

Joseph and I finally moved into our apartment in downtown St. Petersburg. I'm so happy about it and I feel like I can almost completely relax and stop being so damn stressed about everything. There's still so much that I need to get done today.
1. call for cable
2. call for a phone line
3. call electric
4. call water company
5. call landlord
6. FIND A JOB(s)
7. spend time with my mother
8. spend time with Andrea Lynn Mefford
My mother is in town for 2 more weeks. The best thing she ever did was move away from me. I like her better when I don't have to see her everyday and when she is on the other side of the country. It's not that I don't love my mother, because I do, it's just that we clash in every single way. We never agree about anything. It's really stressful after a while. Now that my sister doesn't live here anymore, it's up to me to make sure she is well taken care of in Clearwater, Florida, and so far, I think I'm doing a pretty shitty job. I wish I cared less about myself. I'm just being honest.

I don't really have that many friends in St. Petersburg, and the friends that I do have here, I find myself unable to pick up a phone and call them. "Hey, I live by you now!" I mean, how akward is that? I'm sitting in an Atlanta Bread Company by myself and I just keep saying, "how fun is moving forward??" in a non sarcastic way. I should've walked here, but instead I drove. Daniela, if you could see how close my apartment is from here, you would be very disappointed that I didn't walk here. I'm sorry. I need a bicycle.
9. buy a bicycle

I need a coffee. Now.

Brooklyn

Tue, 18 Sep 2007 20:46:44 GMT

My pet died while I was away. My pet mouse. Panda. Well, I mean it's name was Panda. Her life was rather troubled. She suffered severe trama from the murder of her sister by a cat. She also lived in too many different houses. But she was the best pet ever. She liked to sleep all day and party all night. She liked to nest and run in her wheel and we always wondered where she was trying to go, running all that time in that wheel. I suppose it gave her some kind of satisfaction, or maybe it just wore her out or maybe she liked it just so she could pass the time. She loved banana chips.

I could live in Brooklyn with my best friend and lover forever and be so happy. In Brooklyn you can order anything you want to your apartment, IE: mexican food, beer, cigarettes, friends, groceries, etc. I like how anything goes. I like the people I met. I like real Brooklyn pizza (the best pizza!). I spent most of my time there trying to not to see straight and then recovering and doing it all over. It was amazing. Don't judge me. See ya soon, Brooklyn.

Daniela and Danny pick me up from the airport.

Share a flask in the girls room.

I've got a flask inside my pocket. We can share it on the train.

Mirrors

Family portrait.

Buddy: Golden Doodle of the Sun

Bingo at Sweet Ups.

We are always dancing.

Someone should've really pulled my shirt down.

Me and Britney Spears

Detox.

At this moment, I had just found out that Panda died.

I couldn't decide what I wanted, so I just got everything. Kellogs = best restaurant ever!!

Susie homemaker

Here we go again.

He must really like you since he bites.

We match because we are sisters.

Have you ever felt like this?

dance dance dance

This is in Joseph's swanky hotel that we got to stay in for a couple nights. They left apples on our pillows and blue neon lights under the beds. I wish I could've gotten some pictures with him. :[

Walk the dog, Frank.

Brooklyn Pizza!

I don't remember who I was talking to. That is not even my phone.

We will never stop dancing.

Tue, 18 Sep 2007 19:59:47 GMT

I am readjusting to everything that Pinellas County has to offer. The Gulf or 'ocean', imported sand, slow drivers, hole in the wall restaurants, and hurricane warnings. I never knew how much I could miss my suburbia. Being away from Tampa, fucking Romper Room Tampa, has been nothing short of liberating.

I really wonder what it's like to go to bed at night, or look in the mirror everyday, or look down at your feet or the palms of your hands and realize that your very existence revolves around people whom you don't even like, whom aren't even sincere. They just have pretty faces or wear all the right clothes. I honestly couldn't imagine how much I would hate myself if I lived like that. Something so shallow and so transparent that it's no struggle to see through those very thin 'true colors.' You could line these people up and see the other side of the country. You could stack these people on top of eachother and they still wouldn't be taller than my knees. I'm not really sure what the point is or what it's all for. I guess it's to make people feel better about themselves everyday or to remind them that they are awesome and really fun people. If life lacks sincerity, then we're all faking it and after that, we should just start over but not care so much about things like that this time. If I couldn't appreciate an honest to goodness nice person, then I wouldn't know what anything was for.

reunited and it feels so good

Tue, 07 Aug 2007 06:56:36 GMT

These people are part of the only reason why I ever showed up for high school as little as I did. My drama club friends!

Bethany's amazing tan lines.

Colin plays WoW

Bethany plays Animal Crossing

Bethailey and Bailethany. People used to get us mixed up.

It is obvious Jessie and I should've taken more stage fighting classes..

One, two, buckle my shoe!

hello

Mon, 06 Aug 2007 16:36:19 GMT

Last night, Daniela and I tried to find a plane ticket to New York City for under 300$ because we miss eachother so much. I would've left last night and arrived back home Tuesday evening. The cheapest we could find was 290$. Oh well. We are insane, but at least we love eachother this much.

A lot has happened over the past 6 or 7 months. I was always either happy or sad, which I can really appreciate. Especially being sad. I never knew I could feel so much from something so singular. I cannot say that I feel any regret except for the fact that I don't see how I will ever have that pre-relationship friend back. No matter how long you can lay in bed together and look at eachother so square in the eyes and say and promise that you will always be best friends, no matter what happens, I guess you really know deep down in your heart that you're lying. Just like when you said nothing was wrong or that I should leave and never come back. Also, the hundreds of times you said we were over. I've always been so straight faced, blank stare at the ground. Looking at my shoes. Looking at my feet. Sigh and shrug, 'oh well.' But he was passionate, so I can sympathize. We connected and detached like it was nothing. I stopped crying early on. My whole life I wanted to have another life that was completely disconnected from the one I already had. For the past 6 or 7 months, I had that. A cubby to put my second hand stuff and my untamed soul in. I liked that.

Someday, I hope I stop feeling like a terrible person. I handle things awful since my anxiety always gets the best of me. This is what I've been wanting. For four years I have wanted this. Now I have this. Now I feel so content and comfortable that I can throw up and smile and pass out on an unfolded futon and be so unbelievably happy about it. For now, there's nothing more I want to do than to drive around in hometowns, seeing nostalgic little league fields, the houses you grew up in, the place where your sister fell out of the car, your loving parents and your feisty grandmother. It's been so long since I have felt so at home in Florida.

Wed, 06 Jun 2007 23:34:17 GMT

What the hell am I doing? What am I ever doing?